Wow. Been a while, eh? Y'know, its crazy how quickly time passes. It seems like forever ago that I posted, but these past two years? They've gone by far too fast. It seems like just yesterday that I was taking my Fall 2013 classes. And in the next two months, I'll have finished everything I needed for transferring. My journey through community college will be complete. Crazy.
It's amazing the things you learn about yourself when you least expect it. God does such wonderful things when you least expect them. When I started at community college, I gave myself two years to get my classes done and get out. No distractions. No need to make friends, since I'd only be there 2 years. I wouldn't date because I didn't think I could possibly get to know a person well enough to want a long distance relationship in only two years (or less). I would get my classes done, get A's, and everything would work out and go smoothly. That was my plan. God had some other ideas in mind for me. Almost immediately into my time in college, my world changed forever with the loss of Walker. A loss that I still feel, and I'm sure many others do too. I struggled after that. My straight A ideas turned into A's and B's then a quarter of C's and F's (Thankfully only one of each). My lack of friends at school sunk me into a deep depression and I felt lonely. Then I felt another loss, the loss of my beloved Silky. I still cry, frequently, when I think about my baby boy. I miss his soft fur and many times I wish I could just hold him one more time. And it gets me by surprise. I feel his loss everyday. So much pain, and all of it was just in my first two quarters. I felt anhedonic and emotionless. I didn't laugh, my smile was fake, and I cried myself to sleep after losing him. The first time I laughed, and I mean really laughed, was the day I met the Stormblades. Just when I needed to get back up, God led me right where I needed to be. For whatever reason, I took a chance on them and it worked out beautifully. Two months later, we're hanging out at Fanime together. That summer, we spent camping, hanging out, and having fun with each other. Cut to August, and I'm dating Kosmos whose a part of Stormblades. Sometimes, things don't go as planned, but they turn out beautifully because of it.
It's funny that I thought I wouldn't make lasting friends. After all, the school I chose to transfer to was because I wanted to make friends. I knew before I left high school that friends were the most important thing in my life, why would I cut myself off from making new ones? What was I thinking? To be honest, I thought I'd never find friends who cold mean as much to me as the Lunch Bunch. I know better now. I've never felt so much love from so many people before and it feels incredible.
The work that I've done up to this point makes me feel so much more prepared to finish my journey at Biola, the school I'm transferring to. What felt overwhelming at the beginning of this journey, is now a shining accomplishment and something that I feel incredibly proud of. And now that I'm reaching the end of this journey and preparing to start a new one, I can't help but feel upset to be leaving so many great things behind. Of course they will be here and I fully intend on coming back to visit whenever I can, but that won't make me miss them any less. Kosmos and I can skype. Hopefully, he'll be able to visit me. I also found out my friend, LP, will be transferring in the Fall to a school just an hour away from Biola and hopefully, we'll be able to hang out some weekends. Maybe even do some roleplaying while we're down there. Who knows. But I feel both incredibly sad and incredibly excited to be here, finally, at the beginning of the end.
With Love,
PolarBearMoose <3
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