To the Guys

I said I would do this a while ago, but I decided to wait until the last of my Lunch Bunch guys had left - or at least until the last time I saw them. Tonight, or I suppose last night since today is now the 15th, I went to my friend GI's place to play some games before he leaves for college on Tuesday. I was proud of myself for holding myself together while in front of him and his dad. But as soon as I knew they couldn't see or hear me, I have to admit, I broke down. I said in an earlier post that I would blog a general letter to them and so that's what I'm doing now. Because while I'm sure y'all would prefer if I just said it to you in person, or gave you a hand written note, I have to admit I have a very selfish reason for doing it this way. So, here I go:

Dear Lunch Bunch Guys,

I told the whole school, very emotionally, back in December about what you had done for me. And while that was an important step for me, I didn't address you specifically because I had a different message I was trying to get across. My words were not aimed specifically to you. And that's what I want to do now.

I have known you all now for roughly 2 and a half life-altering years. And in that time, I have come to consider you some of my best friends, and I don't name you that lightly. More than friends though, you have become my brothers. And boy have you taken that role to heart. Because you all have truly known me at both my best and my worst, and not many people can say they have. You are some of the few people I have ever felt I could be completely open with. And you have done so much for me when I never expected it.

MH, you brought me into the group by a simple gesture, and while I'm sure that was just meant to be a simple kindness, you did so much more for me than I'm sure you could have possibly imagined. And later, when I needed a hug or a friend to confide in, you were and are always there for me.

IN, you were quiet like me, yes, but when you had something to say, it was always like a boss. I can't imagine a better person to have had as a Student Store partner either. By the end of Senior year, we had our routine down. We were awesome. You were awesome.

RP, you brought so much life to the group. The dynamic of the group just couldn't work without you. To me it seems everything is too quiet without you. Nuff said.

RD, what would the Lunch Bunch have been without the stories of Sherlock Holmes and Utah? I tease. You taught me a lot of things about life just by telling some of your stories.

BV, I find myself always wanting to quote or reference your mannerisms at home and with other friends, until I realize I'm the only one that gets the joke.

And finally, GI. You were always the first to tease me. But in a way, your teasing made me take a different view of things. You made me think. And there were times when you weren't teasing and you asked me questions that sometimes I didn't want to be asked, because the reality was I needed the questions to be asked. And I found myself being completely honest with every question, despite the fact that I desperately wanted to hide from the truth. You made me be honest with myself. And being honest with you about those kinds of questions is one of the things that made me want to speak in Chapel in the first place.

But there are many more things I have to address today, so don't stop reading yet. There's the matter of my 17th birthday. I told multiple people that I wanted to have my locker decorated because it had never been done before, but I never expected that you all would be the ones to do it. Whether I heard about the details from you or anyone else, I did find out most of the details. Like the fact that you had RP distract me in the morning (even though I was waiting out front on purpose). Or that you had to have Mrs. I find out what locker was mine. And while y'all maybe aren't as sneaky as you thought, I didn't know it was you until later. And it meant a lot to me that someone would do that for me. But when I found out it was you guys, I nearly cried. It meant the world to me. It was honestly, one hundred percent, without a doubt, the best gift I received that year. I even still have the ribbon to put in a scrap book.

Again, y'all think you're so stealthy. I know about the big brother routine with NH at your church. I may not know the specific details, but I do know about it. And I appreciate it. Because I know that the brothers thing isn't one-sided.

There were lots of time that I'll admit, I didn't feel like I belonged in the group. But you always found a way to make me feel I was meant to be there again. Again and again you included me and I knew you cared.

And there was that time we went bowling recently. I found myself smiling the whole day. Not because I was winning (because I wasn't at all), in fact I could have been the lowest scoring person that day. It didn't matter. The reason? Because you were all there. Every single one of you made it for one last hoorah.

There was the Hobbit, which is in my top ten memories by the way, when four of us went to Denny's afterwards. Videogames at four in the morning. The Habbit for Wednesday lunch. Every In-N-Out trip. Star Trek. Spirit week. Tech. The Woodleaf kitchen. All of it. You are in every one of my top ten memories. For good reason too.

When I joined you, I was broken and didn't feel like I had a purpose in life. You changed that. And to be honest, with you going away to college, I don't know that I feel whole anymore. But because of your friendship, I know I'm strong enough to stand tall. I know I'll recover. Because no matter how much things may change, as long as I have you as friends and brothers, I know I'll be okay. I know you will be there for me. And that means everything to me.

So I want to wish you good luck on your endeavors. Good luck in college. In life. In everything. I know I will see you again, so this isn't a goodbye. It's "Until later". You will always be in my heart, in my thoughts, and in my prayers.

With so much love and compassion,
PolarBearMoose <3