In Memorium

I haven't blogged in about a week and a half. And it wasn't for lack of things to say.

A friend of mine committed suicide at age 16 last Monday. And honestly, nothing feels like it could ever be the same. He was hit by a train. Today was his Memorial Service. I didn't want to blog about this until I knew more. And I didn't want to blog about anything else until I talked about this.

Walker was amazing. At his memorial, his father said of him, "He taught himself to read at age four. He then read every book in the house. One day I came home and he was holding a book upside down. I told him, 'You looking at it upside down'. He responded, 'No I already read it the right way, not I want to read it this way'". That's the kind of kid he was. He was brilliant. But he was also amazingly artistic. He had a love and fascination for music. I remember this one time, he was so excited. He came into Spanish class and was telling me how the door behind the theater squeaked at just the right pitch and note that he could tune himself to the door for the song. He told me that every day for a week. I didn't have the heart to tell him he'd mentioned it already. He was too excited. But it wasn't just the people who knew him somewhat well who were touched by him. He met my cousin backstage once. Literally, once. When I told her that a friend had passed, she didn't ask who, she just held me. When I mentioned his name offhand, she immediately knew exactly who I was talking about and was saddened. "It was Walker?" She asked. "Oh no! He was so sweet!" After random meeting. Others have said of him, he was able to capture everyone's hearts.

And then there were the spoons. He gave people spoons, just because. Often with faces on them. I wish I'd kept mine though it had no face. Because I know now, I won't get a spoon from him again. Unless he gives them out in heaven. Which honestly, would not surprise me if he did. I can see him now, passing them out to the angels with the biggest grin on his face.

And man did he annoy me sometimes. He was so innocent about it too. He was the kind of person that wanted to be where the people were. So he'd forget that he wasn't allowed in the sound booth. And we'd constantly have o remind him to get out of the sound booth. I'm going to miss that. When I met him four years ago, I don't know that I could have ever known the kind of impact he would have on my life.

I just keep picturing him turning to me and saying, "I'm okay now. Don't worry about me." I wish I could have said goodbye. I wish I could have had one last real conversation with him. But now I guess I'll just have to wait until it's my turn to get to heaven.

For someone my age, I've been to too many funerals and memorials. I don't like it. Not one bit. I know death is inevitable, but this was too early for him. I wish there were a way I could go back in time and do something. Anything. But I can't.

So Walker, I'm so sorry that you're gone, but I hope to see you again someday.

With Love,
PolarBearMoose <3