Maturity

Well, I'll admit, this is a new thing for me. Allow me to explain:

My step-dad had picked me up from watching a movie with AC and I mentioned that I felt much of the resentful feelings I have had toward AC seem to be gone (something I had been actively working toward). My words of wisdom (write this one down kids): "Resent is an exhausting emotion. Sitting and letting it happen is worse than actively pursuing a change. Because active pursuit will be better for you in the long run." My step-dad's response to this was, "That is disgustingly mature for you to be able to have those words and actually live by them". His reasoning for that comment is that, "someone in their late teens and earl twenties should have no reason to be able to do that".

So yes folks. Apparently,  I am disgustingly mature. I've never been called that before. But I mean, being raised the way I was meant I had to grow up a lot faster than most kids. Some people in similar situations as mine get stuck. They're holding on to this unrealistic thing and they get dragged kicking and screaming through life instead of influencing their life to what it could be.

One of the best examples of this is probably my dad. He seems stuck where he acts like he's moved on, but he hasn't. He wants to talk to high school students and tell them "It's about choices". He wants to tell kids, that he is the only one in his family that made it through college and that makes him special. He thinks he's "evolved". You know what that means to him? He thinks he's right and everyone who disagrees is wrong. He thinks he's better than everyone else. He claims he isn't and that he's for equality, but he trashes those who do him wrong. He has no sense of forgiveness. He expects the world to change around him without him lifting a finger to help. This may be cliché, but I'm using a quote. Gandhi said be the change you wish to see in the world". My dad thinks he can influence change without changing himself in the process. That is why he is stuck.

And that is something I never want to be. So this is me saying, I will actively pursue and influence change and in the process I will change, hopefully for the better. I'm starting with forgiveness. I'm letting go of the resent and anger. Will I forget? I hope not. Because I want to remember ever person who has shaped me so that I can thank them for making me who I am today. So I can thank them for shaping the person I will become. In regards to AC, I wish her well on her journey of life and I hope we can remain friends for a long time. In regards to my dad, I am sorry for him. Not because of his past or the things that he has gone through, but because he hasn't grown from it. I hope one day he learns forgiveness and I hope one day that maybe I can teach him what it is, but I know I have to wait for him to be ready to learn. One day. I have hope that one day he will be able to embrace his past instead of running from it.

Note: I know that was a lot of tangents and random tidbits, and for that I apologize, but I didn't really know how best to describe my train of thought.

With that, I bid you adieu.

Sincerely,
PolarBearMoose <3