My birthday is in September, but all my friends (at least most of my guy friends) are going off to college at the end of August. Now, normally, I try to not make a big deal out of my birthday. I shrug it off, I do whatever. I set the bar low, because if I don't tell people that I have an expectation, I won't be disappointed when it isn't met. Because after all, how can it be met if no one knows what it is. Part of that is also that I don't always know what my own expectation is. But I can mope by myself when my birthday isn't what I wanted.
Well this year is different. I know exactly what I want. The thing that would mean absolutely everything to me. More so than any gift I could possibly receive, I wanted to spend my birthday with the people I care about. I wanted to spend my 18th with the people I love, doing things I love, following traditions I love. I had and have every detail planned that would make it perfect. But unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. And that seems to be true especially for me sometimes.
The only thing I wanted for my birthday, and I mean only because I don't care about receiving any sort of gift from anyone, was for the day to go as ideally as in my head. I wanted to eat lunch in Mrs. I's office, which probably seems weird for the reader who knows where that is. Following that, I didn't care what I did, as long as I could spend it with my lunch bunch. In fact, I would be totally and completely happy playing video games, or even watching the guys play video games for an entire afternoon, as long as I got to spend time with them, especially before they all leave for college. Because, while they're all away at school (with other friends!) I'll be alone at community college. But that's rant for a later time.
The point is, for once, I know exactly what I want, and it's the one ting, I know will never happen. As I said, I try to not make a big deal out of my birthday, as though it doesn't matter. But I care much more than I let on. Almost every year, I would plan my birthday party months in advance trying to make each year special. And y'know, just for once. Just one time, I'd like to actually have it go as planned.
Anyways, I guess I should stop now before I go off on a bunch of tangents. I'll save that for another time ;)
Don't forget to check out my photos on tumblr, which I do update daily:
polarbearmoosepics.tumblr.com
With Love,
PolarBearMoose <3
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